In my blog Connect Before Content, I wrote about the power of relationships in parenting. Dr. Bruce Perry, a leading child psychiatrist, offers another valuable framework—the 3 R’s: Regulate, Relate, Reason—which helps children manage stress and emotions. This approach is especially helpful when children are overwhelmed by big feelings.
The first step is Regulate—before we can teach or correct, we must help children feel safe and calm. When a child is upset, their brain is in survival mode, making reasoning impossible. Simple strategies like deep breathing, movement, or quiet time can help them regain control.
Next is Relate—once your child is calmer, focus on connection. A warm hug, a soothing voice, or gentle eye contact reassures them that they are not alone. Showing empathy strengthens trust and emotional security.
Only after these steps should we move to Reason—explaining, problem-solving, or teaching. When children feel safe and connected, they are more receptive to understanding consequences and learning better ways to handle challenges.
Perry’s 3 R’s remind us that emotional connection should come before correction ( in other words connect before content). By prioritising regulation, then connection, and finally reasoning, we build a foundation for resilience, emotional intelligence, and stronger parent-child relationships.
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